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March 1, 2013

The Frankie Axiom

If you’re a huge fan of algebra, probability and math then you’ve come across the term “dependent events.”  Fascinating stuff.   No?  James Bond  knows all about this stuff which is why he is a first rate poker player.

Really!  Get on the internet and look it up.  Cool stuff.

So what does math have to do with Frankie?   Frankie has created dependent events just being in the gecko room.

For example, I have a routine in the gecko room.  I have geckos therefore I clean gecko enclosures: It’s 100% gotta do and no probability to it.

Toss one 85 pound sulcata tortoise into the gecko room and it’s a mess of probabilities, independent and dependent events, cause and effect, and a touch of chaos.

This morning I went into the gecko room to begin chores.  Frankie is sleeping under a pile of crumpled newspapers.  Right off the bat I have to deal with probabilities:  Frankie can continue to sleep or Frankie will wake up. 

Greatly desiring that Frankie will sleep a little longer I turn his heat pad on a low setting.  Frankie-cold means more sleep results in more gecko chores completed.  Still, I am putting off the inevitable event of Frankie waking up. 

First thing I gotta do is feed the box turtles.  If Frankie is awake for feed-box-turtle event then the probability of Frankie peeing on the floor increases dramatically.  I grab supplements and food and immediately start feeding the girls.

The lower heat was worth about 20 minutes.  I am not yet finished feeding the girls when Frankie pulls up beside me (I am sitting on the floor) to see if his ladies are around.  Frankie catches sight of Mama Turtle.  Frankie pees. 

It’s a chain of events that results in the gecko room getting mopped today.  Today is not floor mopping day.  Frankie seeing box turtle changed the outcome.

Frankie doesn’t get fed every day during winter however the probability he will be fed is directly related to the amount of newspaper he will consume to get the point across to me that today, indeed, is a day Frankie will be fed.  It’s called Conditional Probability. 

Frankie getting fed creates another curious dependent event. 

I head outside to pick grass and weeds from the yard.  I get ½ a bag because it’s all the time I want to be away from Frankie who is eating newspaper.  I get back.  First I pull newspaper outta Frankie’s mouth so he can eat the greens.  Frankie happily turns his attention to his pile of green grass and weeds.

Curiously, Frankie enjoying his pile of grass and weeds may or may not cause Newt the cat to throw up.

Newt sees the pile of grass and weeds being eaten by Frankie.  Will Newt ignore Frankie’s feast or will Newt spontaneously join in?  Newt joins Frankie as a dinner guest.

Frankie doesn’t seem to mind that Newt is eating pieces of his grass.  Contrarily, Frankie seems to enjoy the company.  Newt and Frankie stare at each other all the while they munch away.

Then, already predicted as probable, Newt promptly up-chucks the freshly eaten grass right there next to the pile of greens. 

Then it happened:  A dependent event that could only occur following low-heat, turtle induced floor pee, newspaper eating, green feast, a dinner guest, and cat regurgitation.    

You already know it. 

Frankie eats the cat’s regurgitated grass.

Math confirms what we already know:  Frankie can’t let a single blade of green grass go uneaten.


  1. LOL! :) love it! I'm at the airport in Boise and people are looking at me because I'm laughing so loud :) thanks for sharing!
    AZtortMom via Tortoise Forum

  2. Such a funny story!!! I kept laughing and laughing! I hope you post more Frankie stories, I can't seem to get anymore Bob stories and this is a great substitute!:)
    Lovelyrosepetal via Tortoise Forum

  3. Not to mention, you write extremely well, unique and expressive!
    Nearpass via Tortoise Forum

  4. I really enjoyed this! Way to find fun in the everyday chores and joys of life.
    Lynnedit via Tortoise Forum