A New Nemesis

Frankie has faced a number of foes in his days: Objects of such strength, vile, and cunning that Frankie was nearly unable to overcome the odds to beat them. Such is the life of an ordinary backyard sulcata tortoise.

As a baby sulcata, Frankie's first true nemesis was the "Half Log". An innocent enough looking item found in most pet stores, it's a very useful shelter for turtles and reptiles. Decorative and simple, it's a hollow log cut in half so that a turtle can crawl under to seek a little privacy and sleep.

In the case of Frankie the innocent log turned into a fierce foe for the first time warrior. The first trial was initiated when the curious young Frankie approached the log from the side and attempted the climb-over-the side-of-the-log. As he put his two front feet up onto the log Frankie quickly found himself flipped over in the undignified turtle-on-back position.

Without the skills of a long necked turtle, our young Frankie was left humiliated and vulnerable on his back until a screeching and panicky human owner (that would be me) found him and turn him over on his feet. Defeated but not broken, Frankie would not give in. Frankie would go back and try again.

The quest to beat the log and successfully traverse over the wooden nemesis would be a endless. Time and time again our hero attempted the treacherous climb. Time and time again Frankie would end up on his back.

Unbeknown to our determined Frankie, the keeper was very tired of finding her precious sulcata on his back. Fearing suffocation or heat stroke (real terror) the dangerous half-log was secretly removed from his enclosure. Frankie found his foe the the half-log vanished one day.

Much later of course there was the "Old Bale of Wire". A curiously tempting  yet harmless looking thing in his yard, the Old Bale of Wire caught Frankie more than once in his clutches causing Frankie life long scars on his shell ever reminding him of battles gone by. The Old Bale of Wire too was not to be beaten but Frankie got the satisfaction of knowing the Old Bale of Wire would be recycled into soda cans.

His recent foe, Purple Pooper Scooper, looks like one nemesis that has met his match. Brought to the yard to assist in cleaning Frankie's outdoor enclosure, the Purple Pooper Scooper was much appreciated by the keeper (me again) as it helps scoop out poop in hard to reach areas like inside Frankie's outdoor house as well as keeping human hands off wet and dry poop alike and then to move poop near the house to a better place -- like away from the house.

One day the Purple Pooper Scooper was doing its "doo-ty" removing smelly scant from under the porch. Unbeknown to the operator (me) the foe was being hunted from in the middle of the yard.

Perhaps it was the color of Purple Pooper Scooper, perhaps it was it's shiny metallic finish, perhaps Frankie just preferred his poop to lay to rest where it was deposited and not moved to another location. What ever the reason, Frankie had it out for the Purple Pooper Scooper from first day he lay eyes on it.

Frankie stalked the Purple Pooper Scooper for a moment and then at full out sulcata jog (a very frightening sight when one assume these gentle monsters move at a snail space), the Purple Pooper Scooper faced an all out attack from a 60 pound sulcata male who had two front ramming scutes and knew how to use them.

The unprepared Purple Pooper Scooper went flying out of my hand as I had no idea what was going on. Had I known I would have saved said Purple Pooper Scooper from said 60 pound charging sulcata but it was too late. Frankie went back for a second and final trample. No longer would Frankie be outdone by anything challenging his authority.

I am here to report that the Purple Pooper Scooper survived and is still operational. But that Purple Pooper Scooper has learned its lesson. It is NO match for Frankie our hero. If that Purple Pooper Scooper wants to return to duty then it will just have to watch his back. That's right: do your poop scoop when Frankie isn't around to witness injustice done to his poop.

Let this be a lesson to any potential back yard nemesis. Frankie RULES!