Frankie, Purgatory and the Smog in China

Seven days until Frankie's Big Move.

If you've been counting you'll notice it's seven days and not three days due to one little word not appearing on one piece of paper of many, many, many papers to close our new house in Mobile.  That's right. The closing of our house was cancelled at the last minute because Greg's name didn't appear on an insurance paper that had NOTHING to do with ownership of a house.

Yes, I am in House Closing Purgatory.  

Poor Frankie was the primary victim of one little word.   Once we closed on the planned Friday date we would promptly run to Lowe's and buy fence posts and cement and for an entire weekend put up Frankie's new privacy fence.  The completion of said fence would take the entire week but those all important fence posts needed the attention and dedication of four persons.  Once posts are up the pickets could be completed during the week after everyone got off work.

In the mean time I would be back in Birmingham packing and preparing Frankie for the big move.

That everything would work like the Boulder, Colorado's Atomic Clock is denying the very real existence of House Closing  Purgatory.  Closing was postponed to Monday.  

So Frankie's Fence was not going to get done in time.  Four adults of which only one is a Frankie Expert try to decide on a solution.

My favorite is the one where Frankie will live in our friends's screened porch for five to seven days.  

If that idea didn't cause you to drop to the floor and laugh your arse off then you don't currently own or have ever owned a 100 pound sulcata tortoise.  

Another idea involved putting up a temporary metal fence.

Really? 

I guess the thing that is hardest for people to understand is what a 100 pound sulcata tortoise will do once he topples the metal fence like it's tooth picks. Frankie will go on a big walk.

Unlike dogs, sulcata tortoises don't stick around their neighborhood.  Sulcata tortoises don't respond to whistles to beckon them home.  Large sulcata tortoises walk until it's dark.  A Sulcata Big Walk is much farther than most people can image.  

So, I put my foot down.

In seven days time I will drive Frankie five hours from Birmingham to Mobile, all the while Frankie drops buckets of poop and gallons of pee in our small Prius automobile surrounding me in a fecal smog that will rival the near record smog in Harbon, China where visibility is less than 10 meters.

Did I mention there will be a howling cat, too?

With Frankie and large sulcata, there is no easy path:  it has to be done thinking the worse and acting to avoid it all all cost.

I wonder where I can buy a hazmat suit.

Big Move Plans

You've wonder what Frankie been doing.  It's BIG!  He is moving South to Mobile.

Moving is huge no matter if moving to an apartment in town, or moving a family into a house, or moving to a new state....well, you get the picture. Moving is tough.

Add Frankie to the mix.

Yeah, you got it.  It's even tougher.

Finding that perfect sulcata friendly house was not easy.  There had to be a yard....a big yard.  And a fence....a privacy fence.  A garage....a garage is really needed in case there is a storm or it get's too cold or any other reason that requires bringing Frankie inside.

Things happen that require bringing a 100 pound sulcata tortoise inside.

I am a bit befuddled why we bought a house with no garage and no fence.

Greg is going to build a fence.

There is no such thing as a temporary fence for a 100 pound sulcata.  There is no garage to put Frankie until the fence is build.  Besides, we already know what happens when Frankie is kept indoors.

Which explains why Frankie and I are still living in Birmingham.  We don't get to move South until the fence is built.

All of that pales in comparison to one more detail:  moving said 100 pound sulcata.  If you happen to be an owner of a large sulcata you are already gritting your teeth.

Five hours in car.  Do you know what a 100 pound sulcata tortoise will do to a car's interior during that time?

If you own a large sulcata you already know.  If you don't own a large sulcata, it's like tossing an angry, blind folded Wolverine into a compact car.

We're working on a strategy.

The best so far is to wait until Frankie goes to bed for the night in his "cave", board up the front, strap the whole thing on a flat bed truck and drive to Mobile.

Really, it's not a bad idea.  We are still considering other ways.

I promise to take pictures.

Until the fateful day Frankie is enjoying Fall in Birmingham.  Lots of walking, grazing, sleeping.  When Frankie does make it to Mobile he can enjoy Fall all over again.

27 days and counting.

Frankie enjoying Fall in Birmingham, AL.

It's A Trip!

Frankie, come here. I wanna talk to you. (Frankie walks over) 
What? 
You wanna go live somewhere else? 
Petco! 
No 
Petsmart! 
No. 
Greta's!
No, Frankie! Listen to me. We are moving. 
We're going on a walk! (Frankie heads to the gate) 
Frankie! No. Now listen to me. Dad got a new job and we are moving away from here. (Frankie looks around the yard.)
But I like my yard. 
Well, yes but you complain about Birmingham's weather. What if we are going to a place where the winters are warmer? 
That's good. What else? 
Well, you'll have a new yard with grass and trees. There are rabbits. 

Rabbit in Frankie's new yard.

What about chipmunks? I like watching chipmunks. 
Probably chipmunks. 
What else they got there?
Carrots. Cuttlebone. Petsmart. 
What about Petco? I like the floors at Petco.
They have a Petco. 
Okay. Is this were Rosie lives? 
No, Rosie lives in Colorado. 
Can we move there? 
No, we can't. We are moving South.
Can she move with us? 
Sorry, no. 
Are we breaking up?! 
No, Frankie. She can't move with us but she is still your girlfriend. 
Fiancee. 
Fiancee. Right. 
Main squeeze. 
Fine! Let's get back to the move. It will be a five hour drive to our new home.
Have fun. How am I getting there? 
We will drive you there. 
Good luck with that! I'm gonna poop and pee all over the car. 
We'll be prepared. We'll stop and clean it all up. 
I am gonna poop and pee all the way down there. 
I'll wear a mask. 
We driving with the cat?
Yes.
Will the cat meow all the way down there? 
Probably. 
I want ear muffs. 
You and me both, Frankie. So, you'll go with us? 
I'll think about it......................okay. 
That was quick. 
I am always up for an adventure.